Some people seem blessed with the ability to select the perfect gift. The rest of us know the experience of browsing As Seen on TV merchandise at the last minute while hoping inspiration strikes.
Taking a mindful approach to gift selection could simplify shopping for those who struggle, while also reducing overall seasonal overwhelm. So what is mindfulness?
“Mindfulness at its core is being intentional about showing up for our lives in the present moment,” says Dr. Jason Troiano, a primary care physician and local mindfulness meditation teacher.
Crocheted hats by Loops and Whirls at the Cary Downtown Farmers Market.
Pop-ups abound! Find locally made jewelry, artwork, food items, pet treats, bath products, home décor, and much more at these markets.
Apex Winter Farmers Market
Saturdays, 9 a.m. to noon
The Depot, Downtown Apex
Cary Winter Farmers Market
Saturdays, 9 a.m. to noon
Downtown Cary Park
Market at Seaboard Station
November 9 & December 14, 10 a.m. to 3 p.m.
Seaboard Station, Raleigh
Cary Night Market
November 15 & December 20, 5–9 p.m.
Downtown Cary Park
Holiday Makers Market
November 16 & December 21, 11 a.m. to 4 p.m.
Fenton Square, Cary
Pop-Up Raleigh
November 16 & December 21, noon to 5 p.m.
Trophy Brewing, Raleigh
Kids Holiday Craft Fair
Gifts and decorations from artists ages 3–18.
November 23, 3–5 p.m.
Halle Cultural Arts Center, Apex
Shop Small Mall
November 30, 10 a.m. to 6 p.m
December 1, 11 a.m. to 5 p.m.
Kerr Scott Building, Raleigh
NCMA Holiday Market
December 7, 11 a.m. to 4 p.m.
North Carolina Museum of Art, Raleigh
Winter Wonderland Craft Fair
December 14, 9:30 a.m. to noon
Western Wake Farmers Market, Morrisville Food Hub
Black Vendor Market
December 15, noon to 5 p.m.
DoubleTree by Hilton Raleigh Midtown
While a formal meditation practice is one way to be mindful, we can also live mindfully by drawing conscious attention to “things that help us to feel more grounded and more at ease as we go about our lives,” he says.
Kathryn Lewellen, owner of Triangle Mindfulness — which offers classes on mindfulness and the science of happiness — echoes the notion of being present, with an emphasis on doing so “with non-judgment, acceptance, and compassion.”
But what does being present and compassionate look like with regard to gift shopping?
Shop with Intent
In order to ease the mental load of gift selection, Dr. Troiano suggests we should “consider aligning gift giving with our values.”
Santa might work best making a list and checking it twice, but that doesn’t mean you have to follow suit. “It’s easy to get caught on autopilot in many ways in our lives — make a list and go through and check things off,” he says. “Instead, we could choose to align our gifts with organizations or products that we value.”
For example, “If we value helping people that are more vulnerable,” shopping at a store like Bull City Fair Trade in Durham, Ten Thousand Villages online, or purchasing items like fair trade coffee would support that goal.
Instead of sourcing from Amazon, Temu, Shein, and other mass online retailers, choose gift shops that stock work from North Carolina artisans. Craft fairs, pop-up events, and makers markets give you a chance to meet the creators and forge a personal connection while keeping your dollars local.
DIY — or Don’t
When his children were little, Dr. Troiano and his wife encouraged them to always make gifts instead of buying them. But there’s no reason we have to grow out of homemade gifts as we enter adulthood.
“Purchasing or buying a gift doesn’t necessarily have to be the norm,” he explains. In addition to reducing the shopping stress and cost of gift giving, creating something homemade gives us a chance to reflect on the spirit of the season. While working, he urges us to “use that time to think on the people we are giving to, hold them in our hearts.”
Choosing to DIY doesn’t mean you have to take up knitting or get out the power tools. “Draw or cut out photos of things you have fond memories of with the loved one. Piece a card together that reminds you of the time you spent together,” Dr. Troiano suggests.
“Baked good are always nice at the holidays,” Lewellen adds. “They are thoughtful, budget friendly, and can be customized to dietary preferences.” Plus, consumable items keep your recipients from having to make room in their homes for physical gifts.
Putting this advice into practice, Lewellen cites an example from her own life. When she visits friends in Norway over Christmas, she plans to take items that embody the Triangle: “a holiday blend of Counter Culture Coffee (for Durham), a chocolate bar from Videri (for Raleigh), and Chapel Hill Toffee.” Add in some homemade spice mix, wrap everything in a Christmas tea towel, and the result is a thoughtful (and affordable) gift.
“Another thing that aligns with mindfulness is the gift of being present,” Dr. Troiano says. “We undervalue how meaningful that is.” He suggests inviting friends and family to skip tangible gifts in favor of a trip or shared experience.
Try these exercises from Triangle Mindfulness owner Kathryn Lewellen to avoid holiday overwhelm.
Ground & Breathe
While standing or sitting, take a moment to feel your feet or shoes on the floor. Feel your body being firmly rooted to, and supported by, the ground underneath you. Then take three slow and deep breaths, elongating the exhale.
Take a Nature Break
Research shows that spending time in nature can lower stress hormone levels and increase positive emotions. Whether it’s sitting outside for 5 minutes or taking a longer walk, being in nature can enhance our mood and sense of well-being, while decreasing anxiety and rumination. Take time to slow down and be present, and notice what you see and hear around you. If possible, leave your phone at home to minimize distractions.
Pass It On
When giving mindfully, why not gift mindfulness?
Inspire self-reflection in your recipient with a gift that promotes quiet time. Take the head-on approach with a book on mindfulness or subscription to the Happier app — Lewellen’s favorite mindfulness app, and “the only one I use with teens and adults,” she says, noting, “It’s great for both beginners and more experienced meditators.”
A softer approach includes items like puzzles, crosswords, or games conducive to relaxation and mental recharge. For nature lovers, Lewellen recommends binoculars so they can get more acquainted with the flora and fauna on a hike or even in their own backyard.
Plants are one of Lewellen’s favorite items to give, she says, “because most people like plants but they don’t always want the hassle of shopping for one or potting it.” Plus, the variety of plants and pots available makes it easy to customize a gift to the recipient’s home and preferences.
Step Back
Gift giving isn’t the only source of holiday stress, of course. Mindfulness can help us get through other seasonal challenges, too.
“The holidays can bring up a lot of comparison and self-judgment,” Dr. Troiano explains. “We can try to give ourselves a break from feeling like we are comparing ourselves to others” during this time of year.
“If a friend comes to you and expresses that they are overwhelmed, tired, and stressed, what would you say?” Lewellen asks.
“You likely wouldn’t say ‘Just get your work done’ or ‘Keep going; you’ll be fine,’ yet these are things we often say to ourselves. We would instead support our friend with kindness and compassion — and maybe encourage them to rest and do less.”
Whether you decide to buy gifts, make them, or skip shopping altogether, remember the value of treating everyone with kindness — including yourself.
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